Forged and Polished: Chapter Two

I hold onto the hug probably a few seconds too long, but he feels safe and smells good. Things are starting to get real, so I'm going to be selfish and take the offer of comfort. 

He waits until I release, and then we sit back down, but only after he finds a towel to wipe my tears. I want him to be an asshole to make this less intense to handle. 

"You hanging in there? Really?" 

"I don't think you want my honest answer." Or in other words, I'm not telling you how I actually feel about leaving. How, yes, I'm sad that I'm leaving such incredibly cool chemistry behind me, but I'm more sad about the people I'm leaving. I try to dodge his eye contact again, but it's too late. I see the emotions on his face too. 

"You can tell me. When have we not confided in each other? You were the first person outside of my family to know about the divorce. We talked after your bad performance review. Nothing we say leaves this room." 

Five seconds pass. Ten seconds. I keep meeting his gaze and then dropping my eyes again. It feels like it's now or never. I either grow a spine and speak my mind, or I let every thing die here.

"Okay. Full honesty? Full open and honest communication? This is safe and won't leave this room?" 

"You're rambling. You only ramble when you're nervous. But yes. To all of it. This is completely open and safe, so say what you need to say. You've never been shy about your opinions before." 

Why does he have to be like that? Why does he have to understand me like that? God damn it. I wasn't expecting this for my Friday. It was supposed to be a day of writing SOPS.

It takes me another minute or so to find my voice while he just watches me. He never presses for more. Balls in my fucking court I guess.

"It's just... fuck.

"How the fuck do I even say this..."

He just sits patiently and waits for me to continue. He's not rushing me or prodding which may make this worse. He's always so supportive. 

"Okay. Fuck. I'm just going to say it. Stop me if you don't want to have this conversation, feel I'm way out of line, or just want to dodge me completely. I'll forget this ever happened. I’m a stranger in a week anyways." 

I see something like anxiety cross his face, but he quickly moves to a smile. Not a small smile either. A big smile. I'm so hopelessly confused now. Maybe I have been reading this right all along? Or maybe I'm an idiot. I'm probably an idiot. 

"Liz, say what you need to say. You may be surprised." 

EXCUSE ME. WHAT. THE. FUCK. 

It takes me less than a second to start talking again because I will lose my nerve if I don't. He’s right. I am rambling.

"So do you remember like six months ago when I was working in the SEM room on the elemental analysis for the fireworks case? I don't know. Maybe I was out of my mind. But that wasn't a normal conversation. The only other two people here were admin. No other consultants were around yet, and well, you came in while I was working. You sat down at the old SEM, and asked me what I was working on. But then it wasn't just the stuff I was working on. You kept moving closer, and then you started making me laugh." 

I take a deep breath and immediately start looking at the wall behind him because I simply can't believe I'm saying this all to him right now. I've sort of already passed the point of no return now though. 

"I don't remember exactly what we were saying or doing after a while, but I know you saw my phone background because I saw how you changed and how you... uhm... reacted. I know you saw that photo of me I had done. I know you saw my ass in nothing more than fishnets. I mean it's definitely my fault for having that as my phone background, but that doesn't matter now. I know how you reacted. It was very clear to see your reaction. I heard how your voice changed. I noticed how the conversation amped up, and you started bothering me about my love for loud music that irritates everyone else in the office. I am pretty sure you changed the topic to distract me away from what was happening in front of me. So complete honesty? I guess I'll ask the same of you then. What the fuck is going on?" 

I blurt out the rest of the question. Now he's the one to drop his gaze. I know I didn't completely come out and say it, but anybody would be able to figure out what I'm implying. I can't get myself to actually say the words "I saw your hard on" to my fucking coworker. Not unless he admits something first. 

It takes him a moment to meet my gaze again. I see the corners of a smile biting at his eyes, and I see how flushed he is. It takes him a moment longer to take a deep breath that I see lift his shoulders. 

"Ahh so I guess you did notice that. Well, I'm going to close this door." He reaches over and closes the sliding glass door that separates the chemistry lab from the rest of the laboratory space and then retakes his spot across from me, but a bit closer this time. 

"I can't deny that. Yes I noticed. And yes, I couldn't help my reactions. I had to go back to my office and close the door after that one. So let's talk about it all. No use in hiding everything now. Not with a week left." 

My mind is absolutely spinning at this point. It wasn't all in my head. The confusing emotions and attraction has been mutual this whole time. The years of dancing around each other wasn't just me. I'm either about to throw up or run out of here, and I'm not sure which one yet. I catch myself nodding back at him while hoping to god he continues the conversation first, and he does. 

"I'm unsure of when it started. It was some time after I told you about my divorce. It was never even remotely on my mind before then, but after that conversation, something changed. Fuck.  I didn't even start that day thinking I was going to tell anyone about the divorce. It was so humiliating, but you didn't look at me with embarrassment or pity. You were supportive and sweet. All I know is that in that moment, something changed. You're stunning, intelligent, funny, and confident. How is any man supposed to ignore that?" 

Shock. I'm in shock. He did not just say that all. I have to have fallen asleep during the day. But I blink a few times, and he's still there in front of me. He looks anxious. He looks vulnerable. I want to run away and hide, but I can't, not when everything just changed. 

"So... all of the times I caught you watching me, all of the times you volunteered to come in early to help, all of the times you eagerly sat next to me, or the time when I caught you.... well.... excited, were real?" 

He just nods his head. 

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. So where the fuck does this go now? I'm leaving in a week, and you're still technically my regional manager." 

"If I'm following you correctly, this is a mutual conversation? So if that's the case, we need to talk, but perhaps this isn't the right venue for all we need to discuss. Want to grab coffee? Maybe in an hour or so? We can leave separately, so less people notice. Starbucks is down the street." 

I nod my head. So many lines have already been crossed that there's no going back now, so why not just see what's going on in his head? There's just one thing I have to poke before he walks out of this room. 

"I'm not completely insane. You're attracted to me?" 

He chuckles. The asshole chuckles, nods his head, and finishes with "yes Liz. Yes," as he stands up and leaves. 

Before he is out of earshot, I have to get the last word in. It's just what we do. 

"Fuck you." 

"Don't worry Liz, I fully intend on that happening soon." 

<3

A

Chapter Three

nd then he closes the lab door.