Forged and Polished: Chapter One

Before we begin on this journey...

TW and CW:

• BDSM

• Female Domme

• Age Gap (>20 years)

• Pain play/Impact Play

• Degradation

• Humiliation

• Deprivation

• Getting Caught

• Public Play/ Party Play

• Restraint

• Light Non-Con

… if you are okay with this, welcome.

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This job has very much defined me for the last five years. Straight out of graduate school, who would give a young professional a chance? Let alone a chance in a highly competitive and technical field, but somehow, it happened. Master of Science is only a title that sounds impressive if you don’t work in the industry. Two middle aged men said "yes," and I've been doing some insane work for the last five years. In a week, that all ends. 

While I love the work, the politics of it is draining and demoralizing. Working for the highest bidder while doing highly rigorous science gets to you. We are supposed to be a team of experts. A team of engineers, chemists, and scientists who can help any client with any need by producing data that is robust and reliable. My soul hurts after five years of fighting with lawyers to explain that the data says one thing, and I will not make it say another, so I have to move on. To what? I mean it is still chemistry, but it's different than this. It’s supposed to be less stress. It’s supposed to be a fresh start.

There is one big, giant thing that I'll miss. "Thing" is perhaps the wrong word. It's a he. It's a fucking "he," and we have spent the last five years dancing around each other. In the beginning, it was very clear that he was just the office manager. Well, office manager and senior engineer, so there's that. 

In the beginning, he was just excellent moral and technical support. He taught me a ton about metals and microscopy. He taught me how to mount and polish samples. He taught me how to manage the stress of this job. Hell, I had more than a few breakdowns in his office, but somewhere along the way things shifted. Even giving him my notice shattered my heart just a little bit more. He was the hardest one to tell. The sad look, the knowing, but sad, smile. The nodding and the fucking "this office is losing a great teammate" chipped away at my surety that this was the correct choice. 

Now I’m one week into my two week notice, and it feels like there's a huge clock to someone leaving my life that I don't want. I guess that's altogether my choice, but there's no way to have both options. I can't leave this mental health bomb and keep him in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive. 

So, again, I take a deep breath, turn off my car, and head into the lab. I drop my cat off in my office. She's been my emotional support asshole during these last few years. She comes with me to the office every day. Partially to keep me sane, partially to keep her from killing her brother. After Charlie is settled, I kick off my cute shoes, grab my lab sneakers, and head into the shared wet lab. I've got some client's to finish handing off and some SOPs to finish writing before I leave. I've built so much in these five years that it's wild to boil it all down to this: a handful of files, and a whole lot of SOPs that I'm struggling to make feel important. 

I had to come into the lab first though. I can't stand walking by his office right now, and to get to the break room, and thus coffee, I have to walk by his office in the corner, so I pounded my coffee on the drive here. I've got to shake this stupid emotional mess in my head and get to work. 

To do that, I need noise. I turn on my loudest playlist, pull out my iPad and notepad and organize my thoughts for the day. Fire debris (Evan's case), THC/CBD analysis, GC-PFPD documentation, meet with Jim for GC handover.... 

Somewhere along the list between printing out chromatograms and writing my report for the cannabis, I jump out of my skin when I turn around in my chair to find Him standing in the doorway of the chemistry lab. It's a small space with one door in and out. I guess I didn't hear him, but the music is cranked up loud. That's my fault. I should have known he was going to stop by at some point since I didn't stop to say good morning and our normal small banter that usually ends up with one of us calling the other an asshole. I couldn't face him. It's one week until I leave. 

"Oh my god, I'm sorry. I thought you heard me coming." 

I guess I can't avoid him for the rest of the day. 

I still can't make eye contact, but I take a few deep breaths and finally manage to respond, "no sorry, it was loud and it was Motionless. You should know by now that that means I didn't notice anything else." 

There. Sass. Sass works. It keeps the sads away. 

I get the exact smirk I knew was coming. Then the smile. Then I turn down my music and try to maintain a neutral face. I'm sure he knows it's forced, but I can't do anything about that. 

"You didn't say hi when you got in today. I wasn't sure if you were here. Well I heard Charlie meowing, so I knew you were here."

He just stops his sentence there. Nothing more. Nothing to help me dodge more conversations. He's clearly here to just talk and check in. I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to do with that knowledge either. 

"Yeah, sorry about that. I just have a lot on my mind and wanted to try to focus right away." 

I look up from my laptop that I didn't even realize I was focusing on and see that he's not across the tiny lab anymore. He's sitting in a chair three feet from me. Fucking wonderful. He's going to be the death of me, and I'm not even sure he knows that. 

"Why are you apologizing again? You didn't do anything wrong," long dramatic, well in my head it's dramatic, pause. "How's everything going? Are you wrapping everything up?"

Okay. Professional. I can do that. "Yep! I'm wrapping up these two small cases, and then I'll be sitting down for another round of SOP drafting after, but I probably need some coffee before I do that." 

"Oh nice! I'm glad it's coming together easily for you. I know you've done so much project building while you've been here." 

I can't stop myself from looking at him now. I'm really going to miss this man. The way he's always here to lend an ear or a helping hand. He isn't my boss. He isn't my mentor, yet he's always here to help when he can. Even if that's just by shutting his office door and letting me cry it out with him. He's constantly been a safe place in this stressful job. Like right now, his face is way too gentle and kind to not be instantly at ease. 

It takes me five seconds too long to realize I'm staring at his blue eyes to snap back into reality and the conversation we were starting. 

"Shit sorry. My mind is all over the place. It's starting to hit me that I'm leaving all of these projects soon. It's getting harder than I expected." 

The slight smile again... fuck. This hurts. 

"Yep. I understand and share the same thought." 

Wait.... wait what?! Share the same thought?! Why is he sad that I am leaving?  I may actually be losing my mind at this point though, so who fucking knows. 

"You know, this sorta sucks. You guys have become really important to me." 

Glassy eyes and then he stretches his arms open for a hug. An offer of comfort for me? Maybe both of us? I can't refuse it though. Logic tells me I should because we are already confusing enough, but I can't. So I tuck my head into his chest and let a couple of tears fall while he wraps his arms around me. 

<3

Chapter Two